“Equation for Happiness”

Why must we put happiness in a box and limit what goes in there? Every human being is unique and what makes one person happy does not necessarily make another feel the same.Don’t you think it’s funny the way we limit ourselves? I mean, think about it… We have about 80-90 years to live our lives on this beauiful planet, and what do we do with our time? Time is so valuable. We must learn to appreciate and grab hold of each day. Because after the sun sets, that is a day we are not getting back.

We are born, we are nurtured, loved and we grow. The most of us spend 13 years at school. We turn 18 and we are “ready for the world”.

Somewhere along the way, we come up with an equation for happiness. CAREER + MARRIAGE + CHILDREN + HOME OWNER = HAPPINESS. We make a checklist of all the things needed to make us “happy”. We look to society for what we should put on this list, and we listen to what other people think of others. You hear them say, “Poor Aunt Julie, she’s 35 and still single”. You hear them talk about cousin Andrew and how he’s got his head screwed on straight- he’s 26 and has already bought his own home. You don’t hear anyone amply praising Lucy, who turned her passion of using scrap metal to make sculptures into a living because she doesn’t earn “enough” money in their eyes. You wonder why people don’t think more highly of Jonathan. He has made a village in Ethiopia his home, after falling in love with their culture while traveling.

Why must we put happiness in a box and limit what should go in there? Why must we feel the need to judge another’s life journey? Why can’t we accept that every human being is a beautiful creation and is completely unique? What makes one person happy, doesnt necessarily make another feel the same.

So, you have graduated High School. You are eighteen and ready for the world. “What’s next?” you think. Depending on your choice of career, you may find yourself completing more years of study. You find “The One” – someone similar to the ideals of a Disney movie and you settle down, and maybe get married. You save your money and buy a home. Then it’s time to fill those empty rooms in that home with beautiful babies.

Then one night, after you’ve tucked the kids into bed, you sit down on the couch with your partner and watch MKR. You think to yourself, “My math was wrong. I must have missed an important component in the equation for happiness”. You realise that working 9-5 to pay for the life you’ve created doesn’t bring you joy. You realise that the stress of raising children is more than you imagined it would be, and you think “Mothers that I’ve seen on social media make it look like every second they’re with their kids they’re having the time of their life”. You look over to your partner and realise that you don’t have the energy to really connect with your partner these days.

You tell yourself that you are lucky. Many people would kill to have the life you do. You remind yourself of the poor little children in Africa who are starving, and you make a mental note to sponsor a child. You go to bed, and you keep reminding yourself of how lucky you are. You count your blessings and fall asleep.

In the morning however, this feeling lingers. A feeling that something isn’t right. It’s a pit in your stomach. It’s a longing for joy in your life. A void that you have tried to fill with your “equation for happiness”.

You have realised that along your journey, you were so focused on the “end goal”, on the “picture perfect life”, that you forgot to really live and enjoy life along the way. You realise that you have lost yourself. Then you wonder if you ever even took the time to know yourself in the first place.

Happiness comes from within. It comes from truly knowing and loving yourself. Ask yourself, “Who am I?” What makes me, “ME?” What are my core values and personal truths?

You start to take time to enjoy each day. You start by appreciating the little things. You read your kids longer stories and give bigger hugs. You start talking to your partner again about more important things than upgrading the kitchen and how work was. You take time for yourself. You do things that make you happy and you find ways to express your passions.

Your happiness shines through you and inspires others to look within themselves, and discover what makes them happy (if they don’t already know). You have stopped comparing your life to others on social media. You realise that there is no such thing as a “picture perfect life”, but that life is what you make of it.

– Hazel.