The Human Experiment

Do you think revenge is pointless?

I want to tell you about a human experiment which sought to observe revenge. Two participants at a time were in the experiment, not knowing the true purpose of the test. They were strangers, kept in separate rooms and never met. However they were each aware of the others paricipation in the same test nearby. They answered questions for five minutes and believed the test was over. Little did they know the real experiment was just about to begin. They were thanked for their time, and each given a thank-you gift of $25. They were told of two options; they could either take the $25 now and leave, or they could give the money back to the instructor for the chance to double the money. In order to double the reward money to $50, both participants had to first give back the $25. In most cases both participants trusted that the other would do the same as them, and each walked away with $50. In some cases, both participants did not want to risk it and just took the $25. When one participant took the $25 and the other had given it back, the latter walked away with nothing. In this case I will call the participant who took his $25 Patricipant A, and the participant left with nothing Participant B. Participant B was leaving with no reward money, and felt this was unfair. The instructor offered him a third option; revenge. If Participant B gave the instructor $10, the instructor would then take back the $25 given to Patricipant A. Many participants in Participant B’s situation took the option of revenge. They gave $10 of their own money to make sure that Participant A would not walk away with any reward money.

Think about that for a minute. The $25 “reward money” was not guaranteed at the beginning of the experiment. It was a bonus, a thank you gift. Participant B felt that it was so unfair, that he gave up money of his own in order to seek revenge on a total stranger he would never know (Participant A). Do you think Participant B made the right choice? Would you be the kind of person to seek revenge on another, when it would also be taking something from you?

Emotions are a vital part of what makes us human, and how we respond to our emotions says a lot about each of us as individuals. Healthy emotions can turn into unhealthy ones when we don’t allow ourselves to truly work through how it is that we are feeling.

When I was young, I was bullied by a girl whose parents were friends with my own parents. We were at school together, caught the same bus, and would see each other on the weekends. I could not get away  from her. My father had been bullied at school, and he ended up getting in a physical fight with his bullies. After the fight, which he tells me that he “took them all down”, he was not bothered by them again. So my father tried to teach me his way, and pushed me to fight this girl. Fighting is just not in my nature though. My mother however, took a different approach. She tried to get me to see through the eyes of my bully. She knew this girl, and revealed that this bully was facing some hard times of her own at home. My mother taught me that while this behaviour of bullying and being mean had no excuse, if I looked behind the behaviour I could try and understand it’s driving force.

So it seems I had two choices. I could seek my revenge and take my fathers way of fighting, which would not be true to who I am and probably cost me more than it was worth (getting in trouble at school, or the repercussions of instigating a fight. Not to mention how it could have shaped me as a young person). Instead I took my mothers advice. She also told me (which I did not understand at the time) that my bully was a big fish in a small pond, and would soon become a little fish in a big pond. Life has a way of teaching us lessons in time. This girl could be a mean and nasty person to others in that little school, but when she became an adult and was out in the world it did not work so well for her. Workplaces do not tolerate that kind of behaviour. And neither do adult friendships or groups. She would learn in her own time, that bullying is never okay and will only lead to an isolating and unfulfilled life.

Anger is a healthy emotion. Feeling like a situation is unfair is also healthy. But what do we do with our emotions? We need to let them out and express them. If they stay bottled up, it can quickly turn into resentment, bitterness, spitefulness, hate, and into seeking revenge.

How do you express your emotions? When you are feeling angry, how do you show it? What makes you feel better? For some, it’s exercise like running or boxing. For others, they turn these emotions into fuel for creativity; art, music and poetry. Sometimes just the simple act of talking your emotions out loud can be healing enough.

– Hazel.