Have you ever wondered if part of our nature was decided before we were born? Or even, before we were conceived? Have you ever wondered about yourself, in terms of personality and characteristics, and questioned how much of your upbringing was key in forming “who you are”?
I’ve often wondered when my “nature” as a human individual started. I look at twins who have grown up together, and experienced the same things. More often than not, they are completely different individuals. That may come from being alike, and wanting to rebel against their similarity. But is it something more?
I wonder if part of our nature is decided before we were born? Or even, before we were conceived? Of course our upbringings shape us. As do our life experiences. It could be said that we are always changing and growing, in reaction to our surroundings and personal experiences. But do we have characteristics that were pre-determined?
What about our traits are learned? A seven year old boy who has never met his father, eats breakfast standing on one leg like a flamingo. His father does the same. Something so unrelated to character, and seemingly so unrelated to DNA. Somehow this was “passed” on to the boy, as he never saw his father displaying this behaviour, so could not have learnt it by copying.
An eight year old girl who has only ever been shown love and kindness, takes pleasure in hurting small animals. Where has this behaviour come from? What is the driving force? Is it something she has seen on television? Or is it an urge that comes from within?
A sixteen year old who has seen more heartbreak and grief than most, is a kind and gentle soul. How is this accomplished? How has this teenager taken her pain and suffering and moulded it into a positive outlook on life? And why? She could have just as easily become resentful of the hand she has been dealt. What is the driving force? Does her nature compel her to see the good, even amidst the horrors of what she has endured?
No two human beings are the same. You cannot predict how a person can react to trauma, or even how they would react by growing up in an ideal home. Growing up in an ideal home could mean you come out of it with a sense of entitlement, or it could mean you have a vast appreciation for the life you have. No two are the same. Imagine your own life. Think of a difficult time you have faced in your life. Think about how you processed the situation. Did you have someone to confide in? Did you have support? What did your view of life look like after you experienced the difficulty, as opposed to before? Did you learn something about yourself through such an experience? Did you learn something about the world, or those who inhabit it? Perspective and hindsight can be used to really pick apart and analyse yourself and what you have experienced. And help you better understand the “why”.
I believe that as we get older, more and more of our attitudes and outlooks can be brought down to choice. Choosing to see the rainbow instead of the rain. Appreciating the summer after a cold winter. Now, hear me out. I am not saying that it is a choice of how an individual is brought up, nor is it a choice of enduring heartbreak. But, I believe that it is how we choose to handle difficult situations, that shape our outlook. That can, in turn, shape our character. If we can try to choose to appreciate what we still have, even in the aftermath of losing something… or someone.
– Hazel.
Hazel Moon 